Moses is before God in the wilderness. He has seen the burning bush, God has given him his calling: Go tell Pharaoh, the ruler of Egypt to set my people free! While Moses has seen his people’s suffering up close and personal, he is unsure. Me? You really want me? Are you sure, God? What if they don’t listen to me?

“I don’t think I could handle that sort of rejection.” – George Mcfly

So God gives him amazing signs to perform. God tells Moses to throw his staff down. Moses does. It becomes a snake! Moses runs! Literally, the Bible tells us that Moses runs. And yet, still, Moses chooses to obey when God tells him to reach out and pick up the snake. Talk about faith. When Moses obeys God, the staff turns back into a snake. In addition, God gives Moses a second sign or healing. Turning a healthy hand into a leprous and back again.

Then the Lord said, “If they do not believe you or pay attention to the first sign, they may believe the second. But if they do not believe these two signs or listen to you, take some water from the Nile and pour it on the dry ground. The water you take from the river will become blood on the ground.” -Exodus 4:8-9 (NIV)

But Moses isn’t convinced. Yes, He believes in God’s power. But he doubts his own ability. Read the next part carefully, and see if you can relate:

Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind?Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”

Then the Lord’s anger burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and he will be glad to see you. You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him. But take this staff in your hand so you can perform the signs with it.” -Exodus 4:10-17 (NIV) (emphasis mine)

Like, Moses, I struggle with that. Pardon me, Lord, pardon Your servant, but are You sure? Are You certain I’m the right person? I’m young, I’m weak, I’m inexperienced, I’m sick, I’m sinful, I’m not qualified, I’m not enough, I’m not eloquent, I’m not the right person. Moses stutters, but I fill-in-the-blank! We don’t understand how God’s plan is going to work out, we don’t see how He can possibly accomplish in us the things we feel Him calling us to.

I share this because it is a huge personal struggle for me. Over and over, even though I have seen God’s power, His working in the past, I wonder if I’m really able to do what He is asking of me. I want to… I’ve seen the need, the suffering; but am I qualified to take action?

The thing is, that doesn’t matter.

At all.

Because it’s not me. God doesn’t ask me to do it in my own strength, and woe be to me if I tried! The Bible says that He uses the weak things of this world, the things that are not to shame the wise. It says that the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength (see 2 Corinthians 1:25 & 27-28) for His glory.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. -2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV) (emphasis mine… though I think the whole thing should be emphasized 😉 )

As you may know, I’m writing a book for sick teenagers wrestling through faith in the midst of their illness. But the truth is, even as I write it, I wrestle with constant doubts, all the way from chapter one, until now as I get closer and closer to the finish. I don’t feel qualified, I don’t feel like I can live up to the expectations people (including myself) have of me. After all, I’m just a teenager and have only been sick for just over two years. What do I know? But again, it’s not about me. It’s about God, whose power is made perfect in our weakness, whose grace is sufficient. I’m not writing for anyone else… I’m writing for God.

Maybe because you are a sick teenager, you feel useless. You feel unworthy and unusable. Let me tell you the truth: that is a lie! God is equipping you for precious things to come, even if you can’t see them yet. He works all things together for the good of those who love Him.

Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen. -Hebrews 13:20-21 (NIV)