I have a confession to make: there’s something I’ve been avoiding talking about on this blog. You see, in the last month or so, my health has hit the point where I finally feel like I’m glimpsing the light at the end of the tunnel. At first, I was afraid to hope because I’ve thought I was getting better so many time only to find I wasn’t. Probably like many of you. But this time feels different for so many reasons I can’t get into in this blog post.

And I didn’t want to write about it on here, because I know that so many of you are where I have been before. It’s been 3 months or 3 years or 30 years and healing isn’t in view. The tunnel is still long and dark. Sometimes it is helpful to hear about others who have healed from long-term illness, but other times it can be frustrating. It’s easy to see others feeling better and wonder why we don’t. Why would God let them heal and not me? 

Please know, then, that it is not my intention, and I hope that this isn’t discouraging or frustrating to you. Addressing that struggle needs a whole other post. However, I figured that there must be others in the same boat I am, so here we go.

Healing scared me. Maybe even more than sickness did at the beginning… probably because I didn’t know what sickness would entail. But having been sick for almost 3 years, I remember every part of it deeply and am realizing just how much work, effort, sweat, and tears it will take to recover from that not only physically but also mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to heal. I want to be healthy and to recover. I want to have a “normal life” and ability. I”m overjoyed to glimpse the light at the end of the tunnel. But trying to comprehend the process it’s going to take to get there is intimidating.

Just the little things of finding the balance between cautiousness and courage are difficult. For the last 3 years every time I pushed myself I paid for it. Eventually, I just stopped trying new things or pushing myself. I stayed in the small bubble I knew to be relatively safe.

But I can’t stay there forever, or I’ll never regain the abilities I lost. To heal. I have to push myself… but gently and wisely.

It’s scary to do something that has made you flare in the past. And I’m afraid. But the Bible says over and over again not to fear. We CAN trust our God and His grace and power. It may be a rollercoaster. It will take learning. And it may be always changing. I don’t know about you, but I hate this fear. I don’t want to live in fear.

Yes, healing will be hard, but by God’s grace we will make it through. It’s the final sprint before the finish line. Hang in there! Brace yourself and take the steps of faith and courage you know you need to take.

Please know this isn’t general advice… I mean, obviously we should always step in faith and courage, but coupled with wisdom. This advice is for the person reading this that, like me, is afraid of healing and of what the process of healing will be. The one who knows that the time for extreme caution is over and that now is the time to step out of the uncomfortable “comfort zone” we’ve cushioned ourselves into out of necessity from illness.

At some point, we have to transition into life again. It doesn’t have to happen all at once, but the first step needs to be taken. And then the second one. And so on until we come out into the valley. You can do this! God’s got you.

“I can’t see the end of the road, but here is the great part: Courage is not about knowing the path. It is taking the first step.” -Katie Davis Majors

I Need YOUR Input

As I’ve hinted lately, I’m launching a new website very soon! You’ll be getting more information shortly, but until then, I want your advice. I want to know what you want from this blog as it transfers over to the new site. What do you like? What do you dislike? What do you want more of?

So, if you have a few minutes (it shouldn’t take very long 😉 ), please click this link to take a survey I created to get your input: https://goo.gl/forms/UDSImzXV3eiCh0dO2

Thank you so much!

Also, here’s some more quote pictures I made this week as I continued editing He’s Making Diamonds. 😉 🙂