It had been a rough afternoon and evening. I was exhausted and hurting, and I just wanted to text with my friend and process things out loud. I came online and asked how she was and she immediately cascaded me in things she was struggling with. Oh no! I gave her virtual hugs and prayed for her and listened and tried my best to be a good member of her support network. She hugged me back, and then abruptly logged off for the night.
Reeling from her struggles on top of my own, my heart sank. So much for telling someone about my rough day. I didn’t blame her, even though I was disappointed. And it turned out to be a good thing because it ‘forced’ me to go to God with it instead, which is always good for me. He’s the perfect listener, He understands when no one else does, and He never sleeps (honestly, I never used to realize how precious it was to have Someone who never slept to be able to talk to). He loves us and cares for us, and giving it all to Him instead of venting to my friend put it all into the right perspective.
Throughout illness, my relationship with God has fluctuated and changed, mostly for the better, but in different seasons it is different. He’s always been there, and I’ve always tried to choose to seek Him, but there have been times when I relied on the faith of those around me more than my own . . . and while it’s okay to some degree to rely on others I think, it’s important that we always put our relationship with God first. (Which is why my friend not being available was good for me.)
With that established, I want to talk about the importance of having a network of support when you have a chronic illness rather than just relying on one person. Obviously, we all have certain people we are closest to and who understand us more than almost anyone else. They know the full picture, they see the day in and day out, and they know just what to say or not say when. And that’s okay. It’s hard to keep more than a few people up to date on how you are and what life is like. Things just change so quickly.
But it is wise to allow other people to still be part of your network of support. The person you rely on the most will have bad days. They will need your support and not be able to give any themselves. They will be busy, they will be sick, they will be tired. They aren’t God, and they will let us down.
And that is okay. It isn’t fair for us to expect someone to hold us up all the time. It isn’t fair to expect them to never have problems of their own or to always be strong. It isn’t fair to take, take, take and never give.
We want to have a network of support. It puts less burden on everyone, including ourselves.
I do want to note that I know that so many of us feel lonely. And many of those reading this don’t have anyone at all to support them, let alone a network. If that is the case, I’m sorry. So, sorry. Feel free to skip over this next part, and know I’m sending you virtual hugs. When there is no one else, there is God and He will be your support.
However, I want to encourage everyone, especially those who feel alone and are lacking in support to take the first step: muster up the courage to open up to someone. You can do it cautiously and slowly, but to have help you have to let people know you need it. You have to put a little effort into building relationships. And honestly, the best way to find someone to support you is to support them. To focus on giving, not taking or getting things in return. When the time comes, God will supply you the support you need through Himself and through those He puts in your life. He won’t leave you alone. He will provide just what you need when you need it.