Read part one of this series here, and part two here.

“I was talking with a dear girl the other day. I mentioned my call to serve hurting hearts, although recently I had rather balked at it. She asked if it wouldn’t it be lonely to serve hurting hearts and depressing to continually share about my own hurt.” My friend Bethany shared in one of her recent blog posts. She continued, “To be honest, yes, yes it is. My words can never heal the hurt, and from talking to some of you, trying to offer a little encouragement, I constantly wonder if a girl you have never met on the Internet could possibly hope to help you.” My heart resonates with her words. It is lonely to serve hurting hearts. Especially from a geographical distance.

For some reason, when I published He’s Making Diamonds, the one thing I wasn’t prepared for was the emails. The comments. The texts. Those who wanted to tell me how my book had touched their hearts, who wanted to tell me their stories, and the deep struggles of their hearts.

It was a precious, terrifying gift. In a card to me, my dad once wrote, “You have such a voice and so much to say. I know that you will be the type of woman that people listen to.” But you know what? As wonderful and amazing as that sounds and seems and is at first, some days, I don’t want to be someone people listen to like that. I mess up. I fail. I say and write the wrong things. I fumble through words and struggle to help people.

It’s Harder When It’s Personal

It’s way easier to come up with wise, comfortingly truthful words to put into a blog post or a book. It’s called editing and rewriting it to as close to perfection as possible! We don’t have to get it right the first time. We don’t have to write to one heart or situation, we can generalize truths. When someone clicks on a blog post, they come expecting to read something Christian-y and pep-talk-y. They come ready to listen.

It’s different when the girl on Twitter messages you, asking how to apply your words to her specific situation, and you don’t know what to say, because you intentionally didn’t talk about her question in your book since you have no clue! It’s different when instead of just speaking about your own pain, you’re slammed left and right with everyone else’s pain. It’s different when an older chronically ill woman asks you to reach out to her young friend because she needs reinforcements — if she, older and wiser, didn’t know how to help, than how am I at all qualified? Last week, I shared that pain is a passport to get you into unique serving opportunities. And it is such a privilege.

But sometimes — a lot of times — it hurts us further. A lot of times, it’s lonely. It’s precious, and we learn so much and we get to help many people we wouldn’t have otherwise. But then there are the many nights you cry yourself to sleep. You send smiling and hugging and heart emojis, bearing others’ pain with them, asking how they are, and sending them verses and memes; but your heart is breaking. There are a dozen people you know who would understand and be able (and happy) to comfort you. Yet you’re still mustering up the courage to allow God’s love and grace to flow through you to them — even when you are totally spent. Because that’s what you do.

You’ve been given a microphone and you’re using it faithfully. Even though it can sometimes hurt and even though it’s lonely and even though to love others you’re sacrificing your own needs. Even when you have no clue how in the world you’re doing this.

I don’t know if you’ve struggled with the microphone hurting. Maybe I’m the only one. But I suspect you know exactly what I’m talking about. Pain may be a microphone, but sometimes the microphone is a pain.

Refreshing Others Is Refreshing?

However, the Bible says that “whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” (Proverbs 11:25 NIV) This verse has left me so confused at times. I don’t always feel refreshed when I’m “refreshing other people.” Sometimes I do. But not as often as I’d like. Shouldn’t we experience some miraculous spiritual energy and refreshment? Often, I just feel plain exhausted. Refreshing other people is rewarding, and I have certainly experienced spiritual highs and a certain level of refreshment when I minister to others, but why isn’t it all the time?

I think I’ve been forgetting some important logic.

1. Different Kinds of Refreshment

For example, while God is perfectly capable of refreshing us physically supernaturally, I wonder if we’re often looking for a different kind of refreshment than usually happens. Perhaps we aren’t physically refreshed, but emotionally? spiritually? mentally? Maybe we’re not looking at the right kind of refreshment. On the other hand, perhaps we aren’t refreshed in those ways. Refreshing others hurts, after all. It takes a ton out of us.

2. Different Timing of Refreshment

But the worker is worth his wages and Jesus’ burden is easy and His yoke is light. Maybe refreshment happens as we refresh. Maybe it happens later. After all, hanging on the cross, I doubt Jesus felt refreshed. But you know what? I suspect He probably felt pretty refreshed rising from the grave.

3. Let Those You Refresh Return the Favor

One thing I struggle with in ministering to others is letting them serve me back. Love me back. I am happy to pour my heart and soul and energy into serving my friends and readers and the girl asking if I could simply talk with her. But when it comes to the other way around, I wrestle. The lies creep in and I feel like such a burden. Or the pride creeps in and I feel like a professional author shouldn’t share her current mess with an innocent reader.

I was having just this struggle when a friend and reader I’d been blessed to encourage and support the last few years told me this, “I’m here for you if you ever want to rant in more depth. I promise it won’t be a burden, if anything, it’ll make me feel trusted.”

Here’s the thing — those you serve probably want to serve you back. Those you refresh would love to return the favor. That’s one benefit of being someone who uses their microphone to serve. The question is — will we let them? You don’t have to be strong all the time. You don’t have to be perfect. Those you refresh don’t want someone aloof and perfect to refresh them. That just makes them feel more alone! They want someone who struggles too. And most likely they want to be able to serve you in return.

4. Let Yourself Be Refreshed

With that in mind — they’re not the only ones who want to refresh you. God wants to refresh you. 2 Corinthians 9:8 says, “And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.”

5. Stop Carrying the Microphone’s Burden — Give it to God

And y’all? We do not have to carry the burden of the microphone ourselves. When the microphone hurts, bring it to God! Give Him all the pain of those around you! Give Him your own pain! Let Him carry it for you. Others’ hearts are not your responsibility. Obeying God is your responsibility. When the microphone hurts, rely on God. When you’ve run out of compassion and love, turn to the one whose love never fails, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort! Don’t love people with your own love or speak with your own words — love and speak with God’s power and grace!

Let’s stop pouring our hearts into other people. Let’s pour our hearts into God and pour His heart into them.

Author’s Note: To be honest, I’m a little nervous about posting this. This is a topic I’ve rarely ever verbalized to anyone. And I don’t know how people will respond. I especially don’t want to scare you guys away from talking to me . . . commenting, emailing, messaging, etc. Because as much as I sometimes struggle with it, that is one of the things that most keeps me writing. You guys encourage me way more than you realize, and not only in my writing but in my spiritual life as well. I learn so much from you. So don’t let this post give you any hesitation in messaging me. I’m happy to listen and pray and speak truth and send memes. It’s what God created me to do. I also know this post was twice as long as my usual posts, so thank you for sticking with me. I am truly grateful for each and every one of my wonderful readers. So send me an email, okay? Or post a comment below so that I know I’m not the only one with this struggle. I know a lot of you are in pain and therefore have a microphone, even if it’s not writing. Do you ever struggle with your microphone too?