I don’t know how I would have survived chronic illness without my long-distance friendships. Many of my best friends live on the other side of the country — or world! But despite not even having met some of them, they have been there for me in ways that even in-person friends weren’t.
For those chronic illness warriors feeling alone, I want to share four tips I have learned the hard way for maintaining friendships virtually. It’s not easy. But as one pastor put it, “Relationships are the WD40 of life.” We were not created to be alone, and as spoonies, especially, we need a support network.
- USE MORE EMOJIS. Seriously.
I was telling a long-distance friend a few weeks ago that I can read her emojis better than I can read most people’s faces. Because she and I use a lot of emojis. When you can’t see someone in person, it’s oh so easy for things to be miscommunicated or read wrongly.
According to emojipedia.org (who knew that was a thing?) there are 3,304 emojis as of March 2020. That’s a lot to choose from! No, it will never make up for seeing someone’s face and reading their expression. But it can definitely help with communication. I’m a writer. I love words. But words only go so far.
- Initiate. Don’t make one person do all the initiating.
Please? *puppy eyes* Relationships and friendships need to be two-way. This is true both in person and virtually, but virtually, you can’t corner someone and talk to them. When you make one person do ALL the initiating, you send the message that you don’t want to be friends.
For those of us who overthink, it can feel like we’re bothering you or annoying you by continually reaching out. Initiating shows you care about the relationship and that you really do want to talk to someone. I’ve been on both sides of the equation and I can’t stress enough the importance of both parties initiating.
- Follow up. So basic, why does no one do this???
Initiating is important. But just saying “hi” doesn’t keep a friendship healthily maintained. When someone says “Oh I have this going on tomorrow,” ask them about it afterward! When someone says “I’m really struggling with such-and-such,” don’t just encourage them in the moment, ask them about it later.
A singular conversation doesn’t maintain a friendship. You don’t have to know everything or be a creepy stalker. But following up shows you care.
- Make use of phone/video calls. There are dozens of free tools for this. USE them.
You’re at the end of this article and are probably wondering why in the world you read it. All of this is so basic! But guys, when was the last time you did all four of these things? What about consistently?
I know our generation tends to be overly scared of phone and video calls — we prefer to text. But again, despite my love for words, there is something special about face to face interaction. Memories are made through little sisters running around in the background, dropping the phone while talking, and chocolate refusing to melt. One of my favorite memories with one friend is the five-hour phone call we had where we both baked desserts from our opposite ends of the country.
When you use video and phone calls you create another level of connection that is so important. There are so many free tools — Hangouts, Skype, Instagram, Facebook, Marco Polo, What’s App, Zoom, GoToWebinar, the list goes on. Use them!
Well, those are my four tips (though honestly, I should just write a book on this). What tips do you have for maintaining friendships virtually? Share in the comments below!
Well said, Sara! Simple, practical, important. 😀 In any virtual friendship it’s important to remember: it’s a real friend on the other side of the screen. A real person (if not a real person, run!! :O XD *your favorite amused emoji here*). It can be surprisingly easy to “forget” about someone you don’t see every day, or weekly, or even once a month. But, I have found a very simple method of remembering people, caring more about them, and keeping up with them in a meaningful way. That way is simply: pray for them by name. Yes, even if it means writing their name down, frequently, in a journal, prayer journal, in a letter (those are awesome too!). When I pray for people by name (very important), I remember their names, and more than just a name, who they are and all they mean to me. I start to care more about what is important to them, and the way I talk with them and think about them changes. I can often feel a real struggle to connect with and help my “virtual” friends, but when I pray for them, they not only become real living caring people in my mind, but I find ways to connect with them through my words and thoughts as well. Prayer is always so important, in any friendship, and definitely when it comes to communication. 🙂
Yes, exactly! It’s a REAL person! Another thing I often try to do is share pictures and videos of things from my day-to-day life with my long-distance friends to… “be a real person.”
But yeah, I think you’re right: I’ve noticed one of the biggest things that destroys long-distance friendships is someone just getting busy and forgetting.
YES, prayer is so important!! Thanks for sharing that tip. 🙂
I love your advice! My friend and I decided to have a regular time to video chat so we can stay in touch during quarantine. It really brightens my day to see her face. 🙂
That’s awesome! Having it set as a recurring thing can help with communication too, and not making one person do all the follow up or something.