Today I tried to put away goat milk in the Tupperware cabinet. That would not have been fun to find in the morning. I probably shouldn’t be writing this right now. My brain fog is unusually high, and my emotional energy is unusually low.

I’ve tried to write a blog post for today several times already, and each attempt has gotten banished to the folder of no return. A friend just texted as I stared at the blinking cursor, and my heart fell a little further as I read her message. 

“I wish I knew what to say.” I text back. And that’s what I want to say to you now too. I wish I knew what to say. But I don’t.

My heart is heavy, and I’m struggling with hurt that chokes my thoughts. I want to write something encouraging. I want to help someone. I want to stand up for chronic illness warriors. I want to speak some truth into a world that no longer makes any sense. (I’m not sure it ever did, but this is different.)

Honestly? My hurt and heavy heart are not primarily directly related to the horrible things going on in our world and country as of late. It sounds awful to say that. Don’t get me wrong — my heart definitely broke for everyone hurting from COVID-19, George Floyd’s death, and the riots. 

I have several very close friends with the riots practically in their backyards. I have people I love who could die if they contract COVID-19. I am one of the immune compromised people myself. I’ve held back tears over the stories of racism I’ve heard from family friends in the last few days.

But to tell the truth, I’m ready to cry myself to sleep over other, unrelated things. 

So my dear readers, I love you. I care about you so much. I’ve been praying that God would give me something to say to bless and encourage you. But I’m burnt out. I’m struggling to get my head above the emotions threatening to drown me. But since I started this blog, I’ve written with painful vulnerability because through that I’m able to let you know you aren’t alone.

All I have to say to you today is that you’re not alone. I don’t know what hurt you may be facing — even if it’s second hand hurt — but you are not alone. Your pain is valid. (Yes, even if it has nothing to do with the current issues or if it doesn’t seem ‘as bad’ as someone else’s.) And, warrior? Take it to God. 

There are so many voices offering advice and opinions and hopeful sayings right now. But God is the only One who can breathe life back into your hurting heart and mine. God is faithful. He does not leave us in pain. He does not abandon us. He sees. He cares. He hurts too.

Though I’m struggling, God is here with me. Strangers keep messaging me, asking how they can pray for me. Sitting here, I know God orchestrated that. The number of coincidental Bible verses and even repetitions of phrases around me lately is  . . . so not coincidental.

Look around. God’s got you, too. He won’t leave you alone. He sees your hurt. He cares. Hang in there! We can do this. One moment at a time. Just take it one moment at a time. I’m preaching to myself here too.

Love,

Sara

P.S. I hate comparing pain. It isn’t fair. So please know that whatever you are hurting from, it is valid. Don’t compare it, okay? <3