4 Things to Remember When You’re Misunderstood – Truth4TCKs Blog Tour

I have a lot of sides to me. Most people do. I recently met some close friends in person for the first time and that was what Bethany kept commenting on: seeing my different sides. On this blog, you see my author side and sometimes my nerdy side and mostly, my chronic illness warrior side. That’s what this blog and my book are all about: faith and life in chronic illness.

 

But I have other sides to me that all mesh together to make up Sara. There is my reserved, tired side. My extrovert side. My German longsword fighting side. My Young Life side. My relaxed hanging out with friends side. My guarded meeting new people side.

 

And . . . My Third Culture Kid side. My Third Culture Kid side is what makes me remove my shoes before entering a house. My TCK side is part of what makes me really good at relating to people of all backgrounds and experiences. My TCK side is part of what makes me good at understanding people.

 

A Third Culture Kid is someone who spent a significant portion of their developmental years in a culture other than their own or that of their parents. Which leads them to develop a third culture.

 

For example, I was born American, and I spent five years living in South Korea as a kid. Even after being back in the US for a long time, my culture remains unique. My culture is not truly American, nor is it Korean. I developed a blend of the two in order to engage well with both worlds. 

 

This past year, I’ve realized that those two sides of me — my chronic illness warrior side and my Third Culture Kid side — have a lot in common. 

 

One of those things is the tendency to be misunderstood. Everyone has an idea of what a chronic illness warrior should look like and what should cure illness and how one should behave. And everyone also has an idea of how one should act in a particular culture or what set of experiences and abilities a typical kid should have. 

 

It’s. Frustrating.

 

Constantly being misunderstood is lonely.

 

So today, I want to share four things both chronic illness warriors and TCKs should remember as they navigate these tricky situations and conversations.

 

1. It’s not intentional most of the time.

People don’t know what they don’t know until they know it. It’s aggravating sometimes, both in ourselves and others, but it’s just how it works.

 

Most of the time, people are genuinely trying to help and relate and connect based on their experience. It’s not wrong that their experience doesn’t match ours.

 

We gotta have grace for each other.

 

2. It’s okay to stand up for yourself and gently educate.

The only way people will be able to expand their experience is with . . . Well, experience. One way people do this is by exchanging experiences. We get to listen to other’s experiences, and we get to share our own.

 

When we share our experiences and help educate others on their misunderstandings, they get to grow, we get to grow, and the next TCK or chronic illness warrior who comes along won’t feel so lonely. 

 

3. Does it matter if they understand?

Of course, that kind of exchange of experiences takes the willingness of two people. Some won’t be interested or ready to have their misunderstandings corrected. And you know what? That’s okay.

 

With most people, it won’t really affect you in ten years or six months if they get it. Family and close friends are one thing, and that understanding is worth fighting for. But it’s not our sole responsibility to educate every single random person we come across. 

 

Choose your battles wisely and with compassion and grace for where the other person is coming from. And grace for yourself. 

4. There ARE people who get it.

For all the lonely misunderstandings, there are people who know exactly what it is like to live the kind of life you do. A lot of them. 

 

Hear that? You’re not alone.

 

As many of you already know, I host an online conference for chronically ill Christians. (The next event is actually June 5th if you haven’t yet registered!) And as part of that, we have a Slack community with over 200 members who get what it’s like.

 

But starting this week, there is a conference just like that for Third Culture Kids. 

 

Before Christmas, I got a message from a girl named Breanne. She told me that our mutual mentor, Brett Harris had recommended we connect. That she was a TCK and wanted to start an event like the Diamonds Conference.

 

I had two thoughts. One, Brett had actually told her about me? Two, I was a TCK! I was ready to jump on board and help however I could.

 

An online event was such a brilliant idea for TCKs scattered around the world to connect and be inspired and encouraged. 

 

And y’all, Breanne was just the one to do it. A TCK herself, she has worked really hard to put together a quality event for her people. So if you are a TCK or if you know one, check it out! If you have moved in your lifetime or know someone who has. If you struggle with feeling like you belong. 

 

This is for you.