By: Anonymous
“So, you mentioned that some of the people in your life brought up my health as a concern.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what they had to say about it.
“Yeah. I am just realizing how little I know about how your illness affects your life. I want to make sure we’re on the same page, and I want to understand.”
Tears sprang to my eyes as I tried to figure out my words. “Let me collect my thoughts, give me a minute.” On the one hand, I was so glad that this guy was asking this in the beginning. As much as possible, I wanted him to know what he was signing up for. I’ve watched illness destroy marriages, and it was important for Peter to be aware, for both our sakes.
But on the other hand . . . grief crashed over me. I hated that this even had to be a conversation. That after so many years, this was still a concern that had the potential to majorly affect this relationship. It sucks.
You know what Peter said? “There is so much more to you than this.” Yes, illness was part of my life, broken past relationships were part of my life and both those things were affecting my present. But there was and is so much more to me than just my illness. I brought that baggage to the relationship, but I also brought life and light and compassion and quirky extrovertedness.
The same is true for Peter. He may not have a chronic illness, but he has his own baggage and past and present. And I got to look him in the eyes and say the same thing: “There is so much more to you than just this.”
I was talking with another chronically ill friend lately, and she was struggling with something similar. She didn’t know if a guy would want her when she needed so much extra care. But the truth is, everyone needs a whole lot of care, it just looks a bit different for each of us. And for my friend and I, knowing that and communicating ahead of time could actually be a blessing.
I told my friend that yes, she needed some extra physical help, but any guy that she dates will also need extra care in one area or another. It’s simply human. Living in a fallen world, we all have baggage of some kind, and we all need care. But needing care is not a bad thing! It is a way we get to serve and love each other.
Don’t get me wrong — it has been challenging for Peter and I to navigate this, and it is still necessary to grieve over it. But in other ways, it has allowed us to grow closer to each other and especially to God. It has given us opportunities to showcase God’s agape and grace. What a gift and a treasure!
Dear chronic illness warrior, there is so much more to you than your chronic illness. You have so much more to offer. And it is okay that that is part of your story. In your relationships and in the way that you view and interact with the world, remember the value God intrinsically gave you.
Say it out loud, “there is more to me than this.” And look someone in the eyes who needs to hear it, speaking that same truth to them. “There is so much more to you than this.”
