Today, I am so excited to welcome my good friend Esther for our third post in the ‘What 5 Christian Teens Have Learned Through Their Long-Term Illness’ blog series. She shares her struggles, hope, and sweet encouragement for all those struggling through sickness- or any trial. Enjoy!

A friend rushed up to me after church and wrapped me in a hug. I returned it, thankful for the comfort it brought. “Stand firm,” she urged. “This is going to be a long, hard journey. God could take it away just like that, but He’s not going to.  The enemy wants to use this to hurt you, but God is going to use it to bring glory to His name. Stand Firm.” My heart broke as a whimper crept through my mind. “But…I’m sick.”

My friend didn’t know I was struggling with health problems. She didn’t know I’d been battling it for two months already. While her words brought comfort to me, they also scared me. What if the long, hard journey involved my illness? My family just broke free of a trial of sickness. I couldn’t go through that again.

How was I supposed to stand firm? I could barely stand at all due to the dizziness that afflicted me. I begged God to let it be something else. I was determined I had something simple that could be diagnosed with labs and solved with supplements. I was so sure, but the labs came back normal. A new diagnosis was given. I had POTS Syndrome. Basically, it’s an erratic heartbeat that jumps rapidly from something as simple as the movement of standing. It then causes dizziness, weakness, fatigue, numbness, nausea, and depression. There wasn’t a simple cure. I was sick, and somehow I had to learn to stand again.

When I first began feeling sick it was just a physical battle. However, as the days dragged on and the months passed it became an emotional battle as well. In my heart I trusted God with my future, but my head didn’t always comply. I started to wonder if I’d ever get better, if my life would ever go back to normal, if I would be able to teach my ballet students in the fall. Questions reigned. Fears overwhelmed. Depression threatened. I was so tired of fighting. I lost my smile.

Then one day, for a reason I don’t fully understand, I checked how many students I had signed up for my dance classes. I expected to be depressed because I couldn’t even dance myself at the time. Instead I was surprised to find my classes over half way full at the beginning of summer! It was like God was promising me that I would get to teach my girls again. Seeing my beloved student’s names on the list gave me courage. It made me want to fight again.

The doctors didn’t have any more ideas so I decided to follow the advice of James 5:14. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. (NKJV) I went to the pastors and elders of my church and asked for prayer. As they anointed me with oil, laid hands on me, and prayed, a weight lifted from my shoulders and a warmth embraced me like a gentle hug. For the first time that day, I stood without feeling dizzy. I stood firm, surrounded by prayer. I wasn’t instantly better after that. I was still horribly dizzy and fatigued, but my body grew stronger and the despair was lifted.

The next week, I felt horrible and had to sit through most of worship, unable to stand due to the dizziness. I was discouraged and depressed. When I got home, I picked up a book I had found that morning. It was a book of verses for graduates that I had gotten the year before. At some point it had slipped behind my dresser and was forgotten. Now as I cleaned off the dust and opened to the bookmark I was met with a precious verse. Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. 1 Corinthians 16:13 (NLT). I couldn’t stop the tears.

How does the story end? I don’t know yet. I’ve been sick for eight months now. Some days I’m perfectly fine. Other days, I struggle to make it through. I can’t predict what each day will hold or when my journey of sickness will end. What I do know is this: God is still in control over my life and my future. He gives me grace for each day and courage to face the next one. God’s not asking me to complete an unachievable feat. He’s asking me to trust. God’s not asking me to run a marathon. He’s asking me to stand and to stand firm.

All is Grace,

Esther Noe

P.S. By God’s grace, I was able to teach two dance classes this semester. It wasn’t what I had originally hoped for, but it was just what my body could handle. Praise God! My students are doing wonderful, and I love them very much!

Esther Noe is a child of the one true King, saved by the grace of God. Her heart takes pleasure in exploring the passion for writing that God has instilled her with. While she enjoys moments of solitude, Esther prefers spending time with her with family of ten and her wonderful friends. She’s also a ballet instructor for a local homeschool organization and loves to worship God through dance.