“How are you?” my friend asked.

“I’m okay. The joint pain is increased and the brain fog is frustrating.”

“Aw, I’m sorry! Praying for you!” she said.

“Oh, it’s fine. It’s been worse.” You’d think saying that would comfort me, but instead my heart twinges. Sure, it’s been worse, but by saying that I belittle my current pain and make my friend not realize how much it hurts and how much support I still need.

I’ve found myself saying that a lot lately, “It’s been worse.” The more I recover and heal and get better, the more it’s true. But somehow, it also hurts.

In my book He’s Making Diamonds, I talked about comparison and how unhealthy it is — comparing yourself with healthy people, other chronically ill people, and your pre-sicknesses self. It’s just not fair. There are so many reasons this is wrong. So much so that I’ve talked about it a lot (you can hear/read/see that here, here, and here). But that’s a whole other post (just look at the previous set of parentheses 😉 ).

Recently, I’ve found myself comparing all over again. I’ve been comparing myself to . . . my sick self. Saying, “It’s been worse.”

Well, it’s true. It has been worse. As I’ve been recovering more and more physically, even my worst pain at the moment is nothing compared to what I’ve been through in the past. Does anyone else do this?

Remembering where we’ve been is a good thing. It’s healthy and beneficial. When we know God has carried us through worse, we can be confident that He will carry us through this too. We know that since we’ve been through worse — more intense pain or brain fog or nausea or what have you — we are strong enough to make it through whatever current pain we are facing.

The problem is, by comparing our current selves to ourselves at our worst, we can easily begin to belittle our current pain and suffering.

But what’s wrong with that? Shouldn’t grasping that this current pain is less help us? Understanding how “little” it is is a good thing, right? To some degree — yes. Having perspective on suffering is a really good thing.

But belittling our current suffering just because we’ve “had it worse” in the past is actually harmful. For one, we might tend not to take the pain seriously enough to take care of it — so that it doesn’t become “something worse”. And we also aren’t acknowledging our hurt now.

Just because someone survived a house falling on them doesn’t mean that them being hit by a truck is something to brush off. Just because someone’s mom died doesn’t mean that suddenly going through a divorce doesn’t affect them just because it’s “been worse.”

Your pain matters because you matter. Even if the pain isn’t the worst you’ve ever felt, be it physical, emotional, or otherwise. What we’ve been through will always affect how we see things. But make sure you’re letting it affect it in a healthy way. Knowing that I survived the things I have by God’s grace will help give me confidence and caution in the future when I face more storms and trials. I probably (hopefully) won’t “sweat the small stuff” as much. But don’t let “don’t sweat the small stuff” turn in to “brush off the important stuff”.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? But don’t let the idea that you’re supposed to be stronger make you ignore warnings and pain and emotions. Illness has probably made you tough. But don’t let it make you so tough you’re self-destructive or self-ignorant. On the other hand, don’t forget where you’ve been — it’s been worse.