Just one more thing. I could handle one more thing. Right? Bracing myself, I reached for my last reserves. It was just making a dessert. And on a normal day at that time in my health journey, I would’ve been just fine. But you see, I’d already done a huge list of tasks and adventures that day. I was nearing the limit of my strength, despite being in the process of healing.
I could force my body to do just a few more things. But I couldn’t force the tears to go away or the muscles to have strength as I reached my limit. My body simply shut down without asking me how I felt about it.
The thing was, even though I was doing 10x better than I was a month ago or a year ago or two years ago, I wasn’t perfectly healthy yet.
When healing from a long-term illness or injury, we can tend to jump the gun. We have no grace for our bodies or ourselves. We think we should be perfect. We think we should be able to do anything — everything.
This is normal. We’re spent so long unable, but we crave normalcy as if it’s an addiction. We desire to do everything we’ve missed out on as soon as possible. We want to live again! And that’s a beautiful, God-give desire. We weren’t created to be sick. Illness was caused by sin and is a consequence of living in a fallen world. We were created to live.
But often, healing takes time. It takes courage and action and intentionality and pushing the boundaries. But it also takes baby steps and big steps and waiting and patience. We need to bump up against our physical and mental boundaries to grow. Like a plant needs to poke above the dirt. But we don’t want to shoot up past it too fast or else we’ll wilt in the sun and fall over and lose ground.
So spoonie, have patience ad grace for yourself. Remember that just because you’re healing doesn’t mean you’re already perfectly healthy. A friend described it to me as “gaining the world, but with strings attached.” Someday, those strings will be sliced through and we’ll fly, ready to take on the world.
But right now, we might have plenty of the world to take on right in front of us. It kinda sucks. It’s discouraging and disappointing when we long for life so desperately. Tiny tastes make us want it even more. But it’ll come! Trust and wait.
“Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.” (Psalm 34:8 NIV)
And if you’re someone who loves a chronically ill person, this is something you need to keep in mind too. Just because someone no longer spends their day with their head in front of the toilet doesn’t mean they’re no longer nauseous. Just because they can walk doesn’t mean they’re up to running. Just because they can listen to music again doesn’t mean that their sensory sensitivity is gone enough to watch that scene in The Incredibles 2.
Even if they’re making do enough to appear to be functioning normally doesn’t mean that they’re healthy. Healing is wonderful and healthy will happen, but healing doesn’t necessarily mean healthy. Just because someone hasn’t had a flare in months doesn’t mean they can handle anything and everything.
It sucks, but don’t let your careful care and guard down yet. Push the boundaries but don’t jump the gun. There’s a delicate difference.
Wow you are so right! It’s so hard to be patient indeed…! Thank you for posting. 😀
I’m glad you enjoyed my post! Waiting is soooooo hard.
Great post, Sara.
Thanks, Mary! 😀
Wow thanks so much for your thoughts, Sara! That’s where I’m at right now. It’s easy to jump in too far too fast isn’t it. It’s hard to find the balance between doing things but not doing too much. It’s easy to get impatient with how slow healing is. But Jesus’ timing and pace is perfect, hey. He’ll get us there when the time is right.
I’m glad this was timely for you! Although I wish you didn’t have to go through it. Waiting is SOOOO hard. I feel like sometimes it feels even harder when you get to taste healing, like I crave it even more. But you’re right. It’s in God’s hands.