My Diagnosis

I started to have pain in my lower left abdomen in June 2021. I had experienced a mild version of this pain since my teens; however, it was painful and recurred often enough for me to see my digestive doctor. After I underwent a scope and blood tests, my digestive doctor couldn’t find anything wrong. Instead, he suggested that I see a gynecologist because the pain is in the area where an ovary is located.

I shrugged off his suggestion as I had seen a gynecologist during my teens and she said that my organs were probably stuck together. That was, until my mom and I read an article about endometriosis and we decided that I should see a gynecologist again. The urgency escalated when the pain spread across my pelvic area along with additional symptoms – chronic fatigue, nausea, and bloating. They especially worsened during my period. I needed to lie and sit down often.

Additionally, I’ve experienced different types of pains – sharp, pulling, squeezing, dull, throbbing, aching, exploding, and pains-which-words-couldn’t-describe. One day, I couldn’t wait for the appointment date any longer and took a medical leave after lunch. My gynecologist did an ultrasound and said that everything was normal. I was diagnosed with IBS. Mine particularly was severe.

My gynecologist then referred me back to my digestive doctor. I was getting frustrated as it felt as though I was being passed around. My doctors were kind and they were genuinely trying their best to help me. I wasn’t angry at them. Rather, I was tired from going through the processes. A week later, I found myself back to the initial doctor. He offered treatments instead of further tests. I’ve been following his advice, yet my symptoms are not improving. 

Lack of Peace

Why were my mom and I not at peace about this diagnosis since then? There were several possible reasons. First, many conditions share similar symptoms as mine. Most of them were crossed out; however, there were some that remain.

Second, I’d researched that the specific condition my mom and I had read about could be hard to detect through ultrasound and blood tests. The only definite test for that was laparoscopy, which my gynecologist refused to do. I completely understood; at the same time, what if I was misdiagnosed? Don’t get me wrong, I hope that I don’t have endometriosis, yet I don’t want anyone to experience severe IBS. However, an accurate diagnosis means receiving the right treatments.

Third, I followed my digestive doctor’s suggestion to keep track of the foods I react to, yet my pains have been reacting to every type of food I eat, except liquid. I even have pains on an empty stomach and before and after bowel movements.

Fourth, what if I have this lack of peace for a reason? What if the Holy Spirit was guiding me that my diagnosis was wrong? 

God Doesn’t Make Mistakes, Humans Do

If I was misdiagnosed, it wasn’t God’s mistake, it was my doctors. However, I won’t blame them nor hold grudges against them because I understand that doctors are humans. And humans are not perfect. I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. And we’re not God.

God Meant It Unto Good

Using my dad’s story, he went through various doctors before he was diagnosed with CIDP, a rare autoimmune disease. The tests and treatments he went through were difficult. When I was a child witnessing how God brought my dad and family through everything, I learned that He does work things together for good to those that love Him, despite that my family couldn’t see His hands in action.

Take another example, Joseph’s testimony from the Bible. His own brothers desired to kill him initially and sold him off. Yet, what did Joseph say when he revealed who he was in front of them?

“And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God? But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.” (Gen. 50:19-20 KJV)

“… God meant it unto good …”

Repeat after me aloud slowly, focusing on each word. 

“God meant it unto good.”

When Joseph was sold off as a slave, he couldn’t see the big picture of God’s work. When he was falsely accused and thrown into prison, he still couldn’t see the big picture. He’s human, not God.

Likewise, for you and I, we can’t comprehend why God allowed us to go through many tests, failed treatments, misdiagnoses, and “wrong” doctors. We can’t see the good He is making out of these. 

All we can do is have faith regardless of where Christ leads us.

The Answer to My Ambiguous Story

Personally, I prefer to tell people that I have chronic pain, fatigue, and nausea instead of severe IBS due to the ambiguity of my situation. I don’t know my future nor if my questions would ever be answered. I don’t know whether I was misdiagnosed or not. And I don’t know whether God will lead me to another doctor or let me remain misdiagnosed.

Despite my questions and the unknown future, Christ is still the I Am, and He has been with me through all the tests and doctors and will continue to be with me. He is still good, loving, sovereign, faithful, merciful, gracious, and so much more!

He is my answer …

And yours.