“I’ve been meaning to talk to you.” I smiled at the unexpected text from an old friend. “You seem to have a lot of experience with the whole healing thing, and that’s something I’m working on right now[.]” Now I laughed. I guess I do have a lot of experience, but then again I also have no clue what I’m doing. Maybe no one really becomes an expert in healing. Maybe that’s just not a thing.
Jesus is, but He’s also God, soooooo…..
“I saw you mention […] that you were seeing counselors to work through physical and mental health stuff. I was wondering how you made the decision to see a counselor, and how you found one?”
I wish I had asked someone the same thing a whole lot sooner. I wish I had worked up the courage to ask for help finding a counselor and talk to my family about it. It had been on my mind for a long time, but I just got stuck.
I was so overwhelmed that the effort to find a counselor seemed impossible. And I was afraid. What if I allowed someone into my most traumatic moments and they caused more damage? What if they gave me advice that made it worse? What if they didn’t understand?
On the other hand, I was at my wit’s end. I wasn’t sleeping. When I did, I had night terrors. I was hyperventilating daily and hallucinating frequently. I was reliving memories of my worst moments of illness, especially when I was on my deathbed. I couldn’t eat without straight up force feeding myself. I was stuck in healing the relationships that illness had harmed, and my needs were starting to destroy the few close friendships I had. They wanted to help me but didn’t have the training. They were overwhelmed and scared, and so was I.
I needed someone who knew what they were doing. Who understood the psychological effects of childhood trauma. Who studied how people worked and functioned and related to the world and each other. I needed someone who could have boundaries and knew how to manage their own mental health so that my mess didn’t harm them mentally or emotionally.
I wish I had sought someone out so much sooner. As chronic illness warriors, we see a lot of medical professionals for our physical health. But chronic illness is a traumatic event. A continual, long-term trauma. It is a physical trauma. It is a mental trauma. It causes us to emotionally shut down or explode. And it often causes relational trauma. We simply weren’t designed to live life with a severe long term illness, so when it is part of our lives, it twists the way things are supposed to be. It’s a consequence of living in a fallen world.
We need mental health professionals. Caring for those areas of sickness and pain is just as important as caring for the physical symptoms and illnesses. Maybe you didn’t go to war, maybe you weren’t abused, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t gone through something incredibly difficult.
My friend said she didn’t know where to start. Neither did I.
My story was unique. A friend asked permission and then set it up for me with one of my friend’s coworkers. I was terrified. But she was gentle. I expected her to dive straight into my mess, but instead, we got to know each other and build trust. I was in control of the meeting. She respected my “no”, while still pushing me in the right direction.
However, she wasn’t the right fit for me. A family friend stepped in next, over Zoom calls, and she helped (and helps) me with some coping options and navigating relational issues. But I still wanted more specialized support and guidance.
So with help, I got connected with a counselor who specializes in childhood trauma and works with young adults. And together, we’ve started navigating our way through this mess. It’s so helpful to have . . . well, to have help. What kind of crazy expectation is it that makes us think we have to navigate trauma all on our own? It’s ridiculous! It’s like saying, “Hmm, I have a life-threatening illness. You know what? I’m just going to try to ignore it and hope it goes away.” That’s one option, but how is that doing the best you can to care for this body God has given you?
Here’s the thing though, I know not everyone has friends and family to help them get the support they need. Or even if you do, you might not know where to start. So I reached out to my friend Esther Smith, who is a licensed counselor, and she recommended Psychology Today as a good place to start. You can choose to limit it based on location and beliefs, and it’s a good place to start your search.
The way that I found the final counselor was through a local church. If you have a church or pastor that you trust, reaching out to them would also be a great place to start. The church I got connected with also provided a financial scholarship to help pay for professional counseling, which was a huge blessing — it doesn’t hurt to ask if that’s available!
Dear warriors, you’ve been through a lot. You’re still facing so much. A good counselor isn’t scary, and doesn’t make things worse. They don’t push you to do things you aren’t ready for, but help you as you take your own steps toward healing. They are there. Maybe it’s worth a try. It isn’t easy, but you are worth the effort and the money and the energy, okay? We weren’t created to do this alone.
