I was lying in bed, tears soaking my pillow as I cried myself to sleep, in physical pain over the death of a dream.

If you have known the pain of watching a dream crumble before your eyes, then you understand this. We’ve all desired something deeply, only to have our hearts disappointed. Whether it’s a job lost, a creative work rejected, a friend slipped away, an illness set in, most of us can share empathy over the terrible heartache of losing a dream.

When my dream was dashed, I lost my north star. I had nothing to work towards, nothing to hope for. And the feeling of failure that crept in crippled me. For months, I couldn’t pursue another dream for fear of losing it, too.

In times like this, it can be difficult to reconcile our loss to the promise God makes in this verse: “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion . . .” (Philippians 1:6)

And I’ll be honest, I didn’t think twice about that scripture during those months. I cried myself to sleep countless times, tried and failed to talk about how I felt, tried to move on. For the better part of a year, there was some part of me that couldn’t move on, no matter how much I wanted to. 

It was an allergy, for goodness’ sake! I was trying to raise a genetic line of goats like no other in the country, and an allergy was keeping me out of the barn, causing me to break out in hives, have trouble breathing. How could an allergy, no matter how severe, keep me from the one thing I wanted to do more than anything in the world?

“He who began a good work in you . . .”

I drifted for a long time. Finally, I worked towards another goal, and it became a dream: to go to college.

I was three months away from the move-in date, and the unthinkable happened.

That dream died, too.

The financial aid I’d needed hadn’t come through.

The process of grief hit me like a boulder, knocking all the breath from my lungs. It couldn’t happen again. I couldn’t go through it again.

The death of that dream turned out, not only to be God’s protection, but the greatest blessing I could have wished for.

Because God gave me something back when I realized I couldn’t go to college.

Something I’d given up on so long ago.

God gave me back the dream I’d lost.

The seed which had sprouted and withered years ago, He resurrected. Remarkably, He brought it about through unique circumstances, which included learning that the source of the allergen that had derailed me before was in the minerals we had fed the animals – something easily remedied, something we’d never thought to check.

“. . . will carry it on to completion.”

Ironically, it was still a long, difficult journey to reclaim that dream. I still struggled with low confidence, with the feeling that what I wanted to do with my life now was inadequate, didn’t jive with my peers. But God, in His infinite patience, worked with me through it all.

Today, I’m establishing a sustainable agriculture program for the northeastern US – because God is faithful to His promises.

He may not restore every dream to its former state. But He WILL bring something better through pain.

The answer may not be what we wanted it to be. But it will be everything we need.

God began a good work in you . . .

. . . and He WILL bring it to completion.