The brake lights flashed and they swerved. So did we. But too late. I can still hear the crunch.
I looked at my husband. “It’s okay. We’re okay. Just pull to the side of the road.”
He shook his head. “I can’t. It won’t go.”
That day, a dozen people stepped in to help us. Our parents talked us through what to do. The sheriff offered us water. The tow truck driver helped us figure out next steps. Friends picked us up. The Day’s Inn let us find our feet in their air-conditioned lobby. Someone booked a plane ticket. Everyone was praying and asking for updates. We were blown away.
But then the moment passed. We made it home safe and everyone went about their lives. However, the accident wasn’t over for us. We looked helplessly at our bank accounts and bewildered at the stack of papers. We were mentally shaken up and physically drained from the adrenaline rush.
It was a rough week.
It was also a (mostly) unseen week.
For those with chronic illness, suffering can go on for unseen years. When a diagnosis happens or there is an emergency situation, people bring casseroles and pray. But when it drags on, the daily struggle to go to appointments, keep up with paperwork, and take your meds is often unnoticed.
The truth is, your struggle is not unnoticed. I see you. God sees you.
“You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?” (Psalm 56:8 ESV)
I think of Joseph’s time in prison. Though Joseph was in prison for years, we know very little about his time there. Besides his dream interpretations, all we know is this:
“Joseph’s master took him and put him in prison, the place where the king’s prisoners were confined. But while Joseph was there in the prison, the Lord was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden. So the warden put Joseph in charge of all those held in the prison, and he was made responsible for all that was done there. The warden paid no attention to anything under Joseph’s care, because the Lord was with Joseph and gave him success in whatever he did.” (Genesis 39:20-22, emphasis mine)
What did Joseph do while he was there? How did he work to gain the warden’s favor? Was he angry over the injustice of his situation? Did he battle bitterness? Was he grieving the separation from his family? Did he face racism or loneliness as a foreigner?
We don’t see the day in and the day out, and we don’t know what struggles Joseph faced, both internally and externally. But these years of unseen suffering were not without purpose.
Neither is your unseen suffering all for nothing.
The years spent building his reputation and serving his fellow prison mates got him an invitation to serve the king, which led him to guide the entire country and reunite with his family. I wonder if . . .
- Facing the injustice from Potiphar prepared him to face his brothers again
- Stewarding responsibility in prison prepared him to steward the resources of Egypt
- Using his gift of interpretation while in prison honed his skills so that he could confidently interpret for the king
I wonder about your situation, too. While you may feel stuck in the drudgery and unseen, I wonder if . . .
- Endless paperwork may be preparing you to advocate for another in the future
- Continuing to fight the same battle may give you the perseverance to advance the Kingdom of God in a different situation
- Learning about the physical and emotional experience of chronic illness may give you the skills to counsel, treat, or caregive in the future
I saw this through our car accident. It all felt so pointless and draining, taking us away from the ministry and relationships we normally would have focused on. But God strengthened my husband and I’s unity and teamwork, opened up doors to connect with people we wouldn’t normally, and showed His love to us through His provision, growing our trust in Him. I don’t know what this will look like in the future.
Probably not leading a country.
But I am excited to see what it will be, knowing that God sees the season now that won’t make it into the history books.
P.S. If right now, you’re not in a “find purpose in the pain” season, but a “feel the pain” season, don’t rush it. This post is not meant to hurry you past grief and sorrow and even righteous anger. God sees you in that too. He is with you in that too. Just know He isn’t done with you yet and that He loves you.
