“I was reading the chapter In My Weakness in your book last night,” a friend told me, “I know it’s hard to be transparent, but I think you chose the right method–to use your illness to bring honor and glory to God. So many people hide it and even more despise it, but God didn’t bring us there to waste it”
I let out a half-sob-half-laugh. “Of course you’d say that right now when one of my greatest desires is to hide it both from others and myself.”
One of the things that surprised me as an author is how everyone has begun quoting my own book to me. It’s like, I have to listen or else I’d be a hypocrite, but like I say in my book, I’m still struggling with this stuff too. I haven’t figured it all out. I need to be reminded of the truth too.
As you may have noticed in my recent posts, God, in His grace, has started guiding me into a season of healing. And it’s been hard, but I’m learning so much. So much that I want to share. But every time I mention healing and recovery, I wrestle with myself. Up until now, I’ve been speaking out of my sickness. But now, I’m beginning to speak out of my healing.
However, I don’t want it to be discouraging to those who are still stuck in sickness. I still want to encourage you, and bless you, and young Christians with chronic illness are still the group of people that I feel called to write to, and whom I relate to. I’ve come to love the chronic illness community and I don’t want the fact that I’m on the path towards recovery from my long-term illness to separate me from that community.
I’m afraid that by telling you I’m getting better, you’ll think I no longer understand, or you’ll be discouraged because it isn’t yet God’s timing to heal you yet. So I’ve been hesitant to share the new things God is teaching me, I’m been muffling my desire to speak about this scary hard thing called healing and recovery.
But . . . The Bible says that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony (see Revelation 12:11). That the redeemed of the Lord should tell their story, those He’s redeemed from the hand of the foe (see Psalm 107:2).
And I know that I must not be the only one trying to figure out healing and feeling a bit lost. So I want to do what I did/do with sickness: tell my story, share what God is teaching me, and let others in the same boat know that they are not alone.
I know without a doubt that God is calling me, yet again, to boast about my weakness for His glory. To be transparent about my struggles, my wrestling, and my healing as well as my sickness.
So I will. And I challenge you: will you do it with me? Our testimonies have so much power. To you, your story may seem ordinary… or perhaps too extraordinary. Or maybe it’s painful. But to those who hear it or see it, it has the power to change their lives. Don’t underestimate that power. Use it to the best of your ability for God’s glory.
The truth is, I struggle sometimes to tell my story. I want to hide, I don’t want to be transparent. I get not wanting to tell your testimony, to share your story. But take this challenge with me, choose with me to stand up in courage and tell what God has done in your life. Because if you’re like me, you simply can’t tell your story and not tell of God.