“Sara, I’m really struggling right now. Hearing my mom say “I didn’t think that we were in a position that we could really afford that right now” really hurts. Because I know its because of my health and everything included in doctor visits.” I read the message as my heart fell.
“God, I don’t know how to answer this.” My whisper came out broken. Yeah, no. This was — is — too close to home. Too fresh. No, I wasn’t ready to offer up encouragement. I was struggling to believe the truth for myself, how was I supposed to comfort someone else with words when I didn’t believe them for myself?
Oh, Lord Jesus, help me!
It hurts me too. It hurts me that she has to face this. It hurts me that I have to face this. It hurts me to know the overwhelming guilt so many chronically ill people are weighed down by right now because of their medical bills. Guilt that our caregivers may not know it there. Guilt that our providers are unaware of. Guilt we hide because we know it would hurt those we love since they work so hard and don’t want us to feel guilty for their love. But we do. We feel like a burden. We feel like we’re not worth it. We hate to be the one to cause pain and stress.
I talk a lot about not taking on guilt for things we didn’t do or choose in my book He’s Making Diamonds, so I won’t get into it too much here. (Just know that conviction is from God, but condemnation is from the enemy. Conviction points us to freedom while condemnation traps us in things that should have no hold over us.)
But today, I want to tell you what I told my friend. In my broken struggle with my own guilt, I didn’t know what to say. But I did know this: she — and you — (and yes, me) are worth every penny of your medical bills. There is no dollar amount that suddenly makes us not worth it. You have incredible, immense worth, not only to your family and friends, but to the King of the universe. God sacrificed His son so that you might live! He paid the ultimate price for your eternal health. Are you not worth the monetary cost of your earthly healthcare? Are you not worth your medical bills?
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)
And might I add — neither can illness. Chronic illness cannot separate you from God’s love. You are beloved, cherished, chosen, redeemed, royal, loved, and so, so worth it.
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” -1 Peter 2:9 (NIV)
P. S. To all the writers reading this, yesterday I got to be part of a motivational video exploring what it’s like to be a teen author . . . from the perspectives of 10 teen authors (including yours truly). I hope it encourages you!
Thanks for the encouragement, Sara! Came just at the right time.
<3 I'm so glad it helped! Praying for you!
Sara, this is just what I needed. I have been struggling so much lately, largely because of my chronic health issues, some because of other challenges. Lately, I feel like I suddenly lost my will to live, my hopes, my dreams, I feel worthless, and yes, a burden. Nothing but a burden. I feel like I can’t do anything to really help anybody, and I am frightened more and more by random suicidal thoughts. I am desperately clinging to the Lord and begging Him to hold on to me, and your post kinda came alongside me and held me up a little. Thank you <3
Oh Keleigha, I’m so sorry girl! *hugs gently* I’m glad my post was an encouragement to you. You’re not the only one who struggles with those thoughts and feelings. <3 It's so hard and scary. I'll be praying for you! Feel free to reach out if you need a listening ear, virtual hugs, or silly memes. You're loved! You're worth it.