I tell my story for a living. I’m an author and a speaker, you see. And my story is a doozy: Trauma, chronic illness, loss of my home, loved ones battling suicide, and being given a month to live paint some of the broad strokes. Hope, growth, healing, and joy bring the picture to life.
Getting to share what God has done in my life is a joy. The Bible says that believers overcome “by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony” (Rev. 12:11). I love getting to see God use my story to encourage and challenge other women, but at some point, I started to think that I had to inspire people, that the purpose of my pain was to produce content for other’s edification.
Maybe you relate. You feel pressure to share your story: From others. From yourself. From our culture as a whole.
It wasn’t healthy for me, and it isn’t healthy for you. Our testimonies are powerful and there are many beautiful times for sharing. But when we rush to tell our stories too soon, when telling comes from a place of shame, when it comes from trying to find our identity, it is dangerous for both ourselves and those listening.
God works in pain, and our testimonies are powerful. But there is a season for sharing, and if today is not your season, I’m giving you permission to pause.
Wait Until You’re Emotionally Ready
I wanted Lana to know that she wasn’t alone. I wanted to think that how I handled my situation was the right way. So I offered advice about a recent friendship loss. We shared our stories with each other before we’d gotten a chance to let the bleeding stop. We were so desperate for someone to tell us we were doing the right thing, we gave advice and bared our souls without stopping to think. It was like I was trying to teach someone to paint without ever having completed a painting before. For both of us, it was painful and added to our confusion because the emotions were still at the surface.
A few years and some counseling later, I shared the story of friendship loss again, with someone else. This time, it was helpful. Redeeming, even. Why? Because I wasn’t still ruled by anger and fear. I had done the hard work of grieving so that instead of adding an emotional burden to my friend or stirring myself into a spiral, I was able to empathize and self-regulate.
I don’t know what is on your heart right now, friend. But I want you to know that it’s healthy to wait until you’re emotionally ready.
Some signs you’re emotionally ready might be:
- You’re able to talk about your experience without spiraling emotionally for the next 24 hours
- You’re able to tell the story without making it all about you
- You’re able to tell the story with some objectivity
Wait for the Right Person and Context
I had just returned to the United States after living overseas. I came back excited to share what God had done during my time living in Bosnia i Herzegovina. But, I found that most people weren’t interested. Everyone else’s lives had gone on. There was nothing wrong with that. But when I tried to share my story with people who had other priorities, it left me frustrated and disappointed.
However, when I found people who were like-minded and excited to listen and learn, it was a wonderful time of connection and reflecting on what God had done. We were mutually encouraged and inspired, and we learned new things together.
Sometimes, you’re emotionally ready to share your hard story, but it isn’t the right location or person. It helps to stop and consider:
- Is this story best told one-on-one or in a group setting?
- How might this story impact people?
- Is this person currently in a mindset where they can listen and engage?
Wait for Experience and Perspective
I often write and teach about the things that God is showing me in my own life. When I experience something, collecting and sharing the lessons I learn helps me find purpose in the suffering.
Over the course of our relationship, my fiancé and I have worked through a trust issue that both tested us and grew us. For a long time, we weren’t emotionally ready to share, and we didn’t have the right context. As we healed, I started to write about it, but I never published anything—it simply hadn’t been enough time.
There are people who need the message God has put your heart, and you’re emotionally ready to speak about the challenging topic, but perhaps your message hasn’t yet stood the test of time. It hasn’t been proven through experience and you haven’t had space enough yet for a wider perspective.
Friend, it’s okay to wait to share your hard story. You don’t have to rush into writing that blog post, teaching that Bible study, or mentoring that friend. 1 Timothy 4:16 (ESV) says, “ Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers.” Speaking is something to take seriously, and you have permission to wait if you (or others) aren’t ready yet.
Lord, I give you my brothers and sisters. You know the stories they bear in their hearts and the marks left on their souls. Will you hold their stories with them? Will you give them discernment in the stewarding of their hearts and their stories? And will you take away any pressure, fear, obligation, or hurriedness they may feel trapped by in sharing their hard stories? Guide us, Jesus, and give us wisdom. Amen.
